Mullet Madness - They're Still Among Us

Because I ride the train into work each day and because I live in Fredericksburg VA, I have the unique privilege of intermixing with all varieties of “interesting” people. Fredericksburg seems to attract and retain a certain breed of people that I thought had run in its course years ago. Nevertheless, I get to observe a sampling of this species up close each day. F-dude muscle cars of the late 60’s and 70’s such as Camaros, Mustangs and V8 American trucks seem to be common characteristics for most of these specimens, a mustache is yet another, but the mullet is the demarcation that sets this particular group apart from the masses.

DEFINITION Mullet (mulit) aka “neck blanket”: a hairstyle, common among those of lower socio-economic status, short in the front, top and sides but long in the back. It is also described as “business in the front, party in the back”.

This is a perfect example of the classic mullet. The black mesh muscle-T wife beater, digital watch, silver chain, and molester mustache complete the ensemble and add to the authenticity of the overall mullet-tude represented here.

The Mexi-mullet is still popular among the latino population in some parts. Mexi-mullets like to accessorize with snakeskin boots, large metal belt buckles, silk shirts (with rooster prints) and colored jeans



The rock-star-mullet primps mullet plumage for hours before leaving the domicile and takes great pride in his/her style. AKA the perm-mullet is a little less aggressive than his/her counterparts and often gets his/her butt kicked rather than attempt to fight back and risk messing up plumage



The weasel-mullet also gets butt kicked regularly and is ironically a fairly common find amongst the population despite nearing extinction. Weasel mullets are asexual since chances of hooking up with the opposite sex are extremely unlikely. They are often characterized by their flaccid mullets which can only grow to the bottom of their neck. Other distinguishing characteristics of the weasel-mullet are the thin, unattractive mustaches, Faux gold chains and clingy tank top wife beaters purchased at a gas station and worn at night



The skull-mullet or “skullet” for short is growing in popularity across the country. Recent research has shown that skullets are older F-dudes attempting to compensate for upper dome follicle loss



The Vegas mini-truck mullet dudes are extremely vocal and chatty. The unlit cigarette in hand maintains an image of unpredictability and uncertainty. The typical sunglasses on the forehead sweater-over-sweater-over-turtleneck fake gold chain look lends to a false sense of superiority validating his right to ironically judge other mullets with the accusing “L” loser hand signal



The mullet is not just limited to men. In fact one of my Fredericksburg rail observations is a thin Camaro driving fem-mullet (approximate age, 40). Another is more like 50, drives a Corvette and both have bleached blonde neck blankets. Not all fem-mullets are les-mullets (pronounced “lay mule lay”), however most les-mullets are indeed fem-mullets. There are of course exceptions to all rules, as is the case with 1 of the 2 transgender she-males that work in my office. In this case I don’t think the mullet is intentional, just a wannabe woman trying to feminize bad guy hair given at birth.

So here we see a business/office fem-mullet.



Not to be confused with the power-dyke-les-mullet



Or the Retail fem-mullet (aka Wal-Mullet or K-Mullet)



And so we see the mullet perpetuating in society through continued ignorance and likely from continued in-breeding of the species.