Being a man with a large family, the subject of “affording to have babies” has come up over and over in my adult life. People love to use this as an excuse to not have children or to condemn others that do. People don’t attack me (in front of me anyway) for my large family because they for some reason think that I can afford it. They think that I can’t afford a TV (why else would anyone have so many children), but I can afford my children. I in contrast believe that I can only afford whatever God affords me…
In response to the “people should only have children if they can afford it” mentality, I say hogwash. I am not familiar with the "multiply and replenish the earth if you can afford it" commandment any more than I am the "pay tithing if you can afford it" commandment. I believe faith precedes the miracle. Else, if I lose my job after I have had children and I can’t afford them, this logic would suggest that I don't deserve them or I should no longer have them... Are there any guarantees that I should have the means to provide for even myself, lest the Lord (giver of all) grants unto me?
Here is what life has taught me, in retrospect:
It seems that I can associate significant financial blessings with and not long after the birth and arrival of each of my children. However, this did not change the fact that I was laid off shortly after 9/11 due to a steep downward trend in IT spending associated with the economic uncertainties of that time. With employment opportunities scarce and the pool of unemployed competition so great, not to mention having a large family and no income (which would last 14 months), I was forced to look outside of the box from a somewhat desperate perspective, and I came to learn a thing or two.
Thoughts of embellishing my resume and/or exaggerating the truth in interviews came to my mind, how was I going to have an edge? I've never been a good liar (thankfully) and of course this would contradict everything that I believe about decency, so after many humbling months I finally realized that I was going about this job seeking approach all wrong. I was trusting in the arm of my own flesh (my perceived strengths and abilities) rather than putting my faith and trust in my God (giver of all).
My wife and I discussed the financial blessings that I mentioned before with the welcoming of each new child and we postulated that if ever we needed a financial blessing, it was now. We were desirous to have another child but would it not be preposterous to consider such a long term commitment under this current zero income financial state and uncertainty in our lives?
I saw the parallel of this “trusting in the arm of flesh” mentality in my job seeking approach to the proposition of having another baby at this time. The scriptures are replete with these “I will go and do the things the Lord commands” perfect faith stories that we all shake our heads and say “amen” to. Yet in real life we are so easily tempted to run in the other direction in fear proclaiming by our very actions that what we really believe is that those types of miracles could only happen in ancient scripture times.
Cathleen and I were somewhat ashamed to realize that we were leaning toward the “logical” world’s standards (arm of flesh) mentality of waiting for a more prosperous and "convenient" time to have children. We didn't share that same doubt in our youth when we were college students and decided we would have children right away despite having nothing and no actual means of affording a child. We certainly didn't have any good reason to stop trusting God now so why then should we not have a child under these circumstances we reasoned? We repented of that fear and doubt that Satan loves to fill people with and decided that we would exercise faith and put the whole matter in the Lord's hands, job, baby, etc.
Our son (#7) was born on 17th August of that year, in December I had two very good job offers (imagine that, I didn't have to settle in desperation for the first thing that came up, after 14 months I had choices). Coincidence? I don't believe that for a minute!
I find it interesting that these blessings didn't come immediately. They came after 3 more months. I believe that we were still being tested to see if we would have a change of attitude, a decline in faith, a loss of heart. We had a precious new spirit sent straight from the heavens, why would we? I was relishing the idea of having time available to focus on the events associated with this new one. We had hope, we had faith and we were happy because we felt we had made the right choices despite difficult circumstances. But it still wasn't easy, we were tested to the end. And when I say end, I mean the very end of all of our savings, every last red cent to our name (and then some), to the point where we were preparing ourselves to find out what manna was going to taste like.
You know you're completely humbled when ward members and old mission companions of moderate means are anonymously dropping generous amounts of $ in your mailbox because Christmas is rapidly approaching. With a lump in your throat and tears in your eyes you get on your knees and express gratitude and humility like you never have before. Does God answer prayers and meet the needs of his children through acts and services of others? I wholeheartedly attest that he does.
Six years and 3 more children later, we are far better off financially now than we were then, but more importantly we are far more spiritually mature from the whole experience.
So my take on having children is, be married first, and then if you want to see real miracles in your life, and witness for yourselves that Heavenly Father is real and that he has got your back, have them. The more miracles you want to see (and the more miraculous), the more children you should have! This isn’t to say that it will be easy and there are sure to be hardships, trials, tribulations and painful growth, but it will all be worth it, of this I am certain.
There is no logic from the world's perspective to having children. There is no worldly logic to paying tithing. In addition, accumulating food storage and serving others (without compensation) will likely adversely affect your portfolio (in the short term). The world measures success and happiness on a monetary scale and investment in these ways will undoubtedly tilt those scales in the opposite direction by all logical reasoning. God's ways are not measured on a monetary scale. Having children is "being about (doing) God's work". It is not only for the rich and/or the middle class, it is for anyone who truly wants to be doing His work. And where there is a will, there is always a way!
I strongly advocate enlisting in this divine service and I would discourage people to wait until "college educations are saved for". Exercise faith, have babies, witness miracles like you never have before and be truly happy!
